One Mom’s Story of Supporting Adult Children after Betrayal
Sometimes, the most helpful, most healing thing is to hear from someone who has been through it. If you are a betrayed wife with adult children, this post is for you.
In this interview, Andrea Stunz, Wives Care NEXT Coordinator and Marketing Manager with Be Broken Ministries, speaks openly and from her heart about her journey with her adult children after betrayal.
Below is the synopsis of our conversation. If you prefer, click here to watch the interview on YouTube. If you are a betrayed wife with adult children, I highly recommend that you watch. It will warm your heart.
Connect with Andrea: https://www.bebroken.org/team/andrea-stunz
This post is also part of a larger resources that I created; an interview series called Healing Family Secrets: Navigating the Pain of Infidelity Together. For this series, I interviewed eight betrayal trauma professionals. Together we explored the profound impacts of infidelity on families and provided actionable insights to support both parents and adult children through this challenging time.
Specifically, to each of these professionals, I asked one big question:
In your experience, what are the most effective strategies families can adopt to rebuild trust and communication after infidelity, and how can they navigate the emotional complexities involved?
Click here for a synopsis of all 8 interviews.
Where to Begin
Acknowledge that this is a nuanced journey for each person in your family. If you have more than one child, expect that each one will react to the betrayal differently, and may need different conversations and resources.
Andrea’s Story
Andrea’s children were all adults or older teens when the betrayal came to light. She was well aware that the kids were betrayed too. They felt like the rug was ripped out from underneath them, and were, like her, questioning what was real, what was true.
Andrea found that taking on a role that was more cheerleader and supporter than fixer worked the best. Which she acknowledges is difficult because you don’t want to see your kids hurt.
Some questions that she asked her adult children: How can I support you? What do you need from me? What was this experience like for you?
Equally important was doing her own work, so that she could handle the hard conversations with her kids. She was then able to reassure her adult children: Tell me what you need to tell me. Bring it on, and I am going to be okay. If I need a break I will tell you. I will regulate and then come back.
For her, it was a lot of listening, making amends, and asking for forgiveness, even as the betrayed spouse. Because Andrea knew that there were times when she was not able to be the mom that they needed.
In the interview, Andrea reflected that it really got down to being humble and being willing to do what was needed, which did not mean perfection. This is, after all, what betrayed spouses want from their partners too.
She tried to be the kind of mom that she herself needed.
It’s equally important for parents to assert their own needs and boundaries. She always tried to honor her kids in what she said and did, but recognized that she also had needs and limits. It’s important to honor your children's privacy by asking what is off-limits to share publicly.
It’s also important to acknowledge that, especially for adult children, you can’t be their person. They will need therapy and other people in their lives for support. As adults they have to be the ones to find those people.
Andrea reiterated the common misconception that a parent’s infidelity does not impact the kids. She described how even before she knew about the betrayal, her body knew that something was not right. She believes it is the same for the children.
✨ Are you an adult child who is struggling with a cheating parent and hoping to rebuild a healthy relationship with your family?
✨ Would you consider signing up for a research interview with me?
✨ In a short, confidential, 20 minute Zoom call I ask 8 questions about your experience of your parent's betrayal. Your answers will help me build a much needed resource for adult children of infidelity.
In return, I promise by speaking with me, you will feel less alone 🫶.
Link to sign ip for a research call 📞📞📞 is: https://calendly.com/melissamacomber/first-call