The First Step to Healing from Emotional Neglect: Restore Trust in Yourself

After I posted this story on Reddit last week, I got several questions about how to start rebuilding trust in yourself. For me, the key was learning how to tune into my physical body and how it feels about something (a person, conversation, event, decision, etc.), regardless of what my mind might be saying.

Our minds can be easily swayed by mood, fear, or other people’s opinions. But our bodies tend to give us clearer signals. Learning to listen to those signals was a turning point in my healing.

This is the exercise I started using 13 years ago, after I gave up on therapy. I still come back to it regularly, especially when I feel stuck or uncertain. It’s adapted from an exercise in Martha Beck’s book Steering by Starlight.

Here’s how to begin:

Step 1: Set a timer for 5 minutes. Deep self-trust is built slowly, through regular small efforts. Close your eyes and count your breaths until you reach 10. If you lose track, just gently start again at 1.

Step 2: Picture something or someone that brings you deep joy. Maybe it’s cuddling your cat, dancing at a wedding, or laughing over coffee with a close friend. Put yourself in that moment.

Now, observe your body. Where do you feel that good sensation? Your chest, belly, forehead? What does it feel like? Lightness, warmth, waves? There’s no right answer, just notice.

Take one deep breath to reset.

Step 3: Now do the opposite. Picture something or someone you dread, like a toxic coworker, a dentist’s drill, or a tense family conversation. Again, pay attention to your body. Where do you feel it? Your stomach, back, throat? What does it feel like? Tightness, heaviness, cold? Just observe.

This contrast creates a kind of internal compass.

Step 4: Practice toggling between these sensations for a few minutes every day. With time, you’ll learn to sense your body’s reactions more clearly in everyday situations. For example, if a conversation with your mom brings up the same sensations as dread or pain, that’s valuable information. Even if others try to guilt you into taking her calls, you’ll have a more grounded sense of what’s truly right for you, because your body already knows.

It’s important to remember: just because your body gives you clear feedback doesn’t mean you have to take action right away. You don’t have to make a big decision or confrontation immediately. Often, those changes unfold naturally as your trust in yourself deepens. Trying to force a decision before you’re ready can backfire. I’ve learned that the hard way.

If you prefer a video explanation, check out my Instagram account. Noe renamed emotionalneglectrecovery.